Since Kevin’s passing, the one place I feel the closest connection to him is at church. Although he was Roman Catholic and I am Episcopalian, our faiths shared a common liturgy. There has been something comforting in celebrating the Eucharist, knowing he did the same in the church next door. (Our respective houses of worship are separated by strip of grass and a parking lot). I know he shines in glory now, with our Lord, and my prayers go up to him as well. But I still miss him. I know he would not want me to be sad about his death, and I know he is still with me.
Sunday was a difficult morning. As we move closer to Lent, sermons and scripture readings seem to be more about forgiveness and moving on. And I kneel in my pew and think about Kevin, and how he dedicated himself to do exactly that so he would be able to walk into a church and worship in the faith of his childhood.
But I still miss him. It always comes back to I miss being with him. I miss sitting and talking with him about everything under the sun, even our ongoing Droid v. iOS phone discourses (I like my iPhone!) I miss that connection two people have after so many years of friendship that whole conversations can be had in silence. And I can’t believe, even now, that we will never share those times again.
After the service, we were invited into the Parish Hall for discussion on Christian Spirituality in a Yoga Practice. And as I have not been practicing Zentangle® on a consistent basis, I thought I should remind myself why being mindful and in the moment and finding that inner peace is so important.
Our discussion leader was wonderful (Deb Desilets from Open Space Yoga for those in the Nashua NH area). Part of the hands-on exercise she led us through involved choosing a word of intention to focus on during our practice. We were instructed to intentionally choose a card from those on the table. I chose my card, brought it back to my seat, and turned it over.
Tears came to my eyes and I could not speak. I could feel Kevin’s spirit around me, surrounding me, and guiding me to the place I needed to be. “Love” was our byword. It was the word which meant we honored the deep spiritual connection we saw and shared in each other, two travelers on this journey through life together.
I was able to come home and spend some quiet time tangling while meditating on the words “love” “forgiveness” and “moving on” while being ever so grateful for being open to messages from above, and from those who have passed on but continue to bless us until we meet again.